I'm a Senior Software Engineer and I SUCK at Communication

Transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.

Hey folks, I'm just driving to CrossFit. We're going to experience devs subreddit. This topic is about communication. And so this person is saying they have like eight years of experience. Um, and they feel like pretty confident in their technical abilities, which is great, right? Like a senior engineer. And uh they've like self-recognized that they think uh communication is one of their uh their weak areas right now. Um, they mention ADHD. By the way, I'm not I don't know like an expert on ADHD or anything like that. So, I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, but I'm like I'm not obviously in a position where I can uh, you know, speak from speak about it like an expert or medical advice or anything like that. So, I'm going to I'm mentioning it just in case it's helpful for you for framing, but other than that, I'll I'll kind of leave it there.

Um but they said specifically communication in meetings. Okay. So when we talk about communication in general like there's many ways and um like forms that communication happens and really it's just about transferring ideas and uh sort of the effectiveness of those ideas get transferred. But um how that happens you know can look very very different. And so I don't know exactly like you know I picked this topic from experience devs cuz I'm like I think this is important. Uh I talk with people about this kind of thing but I don't necessarily have like a stepbystep do step a and now you're a master communicator. Uh but I figured it'd be good to talk through. So first of all I wanted to acknowledge that I like certainly there are people that are more comfortable uh communicating in different ways right and I actually think it's really

important um like the first part I want to talk through here is not not to put something on the individual but to put something onto uh the team and that means uh by definition the manager of the team um or if you're like a team lead then I think this is something really important to consider. But like people have different ways where they're uh more effective at communicating or less. And I think that knowing that and trying to lean into that is incredibly important and valuable. So I want to give you a a super quick example. This is one that is uh relevant for me not only because of the timing but also because I have I have been through this like many many many times and this is feedback that I've received over years but when we are doing things like planning within a

team um planning is uh something that can look very different teams different organizations that kind of thing You have planning where you can communicate to like other stakeholders to like leadership to basically say like here's our plan like we're letting you know this is what we intend to do this is an opportunity for feedback for us that kind of thing. But the planning that I want to talk about is more like um putting together some type of process like an for people on the team to to kind of expose or bubble up ideas. I do I do think that in general I want to make an environment where like we don't just talk about this during a dedicated planning time but I also want to make sure we can have some dedicated planning time. So this is the first part about communication.

Some people um are are just less comfortable randomly speaking up about things like they need some dedicated focus time to go thinking about things like planning like okay I'm focused on my work right now. you need me to go focus on generating ideas like okay but like I want to go off on my own and like kind of sit down and think about this if I just like said every week in oneonone's like hey give me your ideas like that's not going to be an effective way for them to to communicate those things. Okay. So, part one is just like, you know, forum and cadence. Uh, and I I want both. I want to make sure there's an environment where people who are the opposite where they're like, "Oh, man. Like, I thought of something, but like I don't have a I don't have like a forum or like I don't have an invitation for this." They feel like they just kind of have to stifle it.

I want to make sure that they have a a good place to speak up like on a regular basis. and then for others something a little bit more um like formal or or planned for. The other thing is that when it comes for a planning session like this, I'm going to refer to it like a brainstorming session and this is because uh I think there's different aspects to planning and when I'm working with the team to get their ideas, I what I cannot do in that moment is say like oh great idea therefore automatically like this is the top priority we're doing. I don't I don't know that until we go through the ideas and I don't know that until I factored in if we have other you know um asks of the business or other teams and things like that. So like at this phase it's really like I want I want to hear all the ideas.

I want it doesn't matter if it seems off-the-wall anything like if you're if you're thinking about it let's talk about it but like what what does that look like in practice right? Do I get a meeting where I pull everyone into a room and I say, "Okay, there's the whiteboard." Like, "There's the markers. Go put your ideas up." Um, for some people that might be dreadful. Um, and for some people that might be awesome. They might say like, "This is the best. Like I I like thrive in a in a space where I'm like, you know, talking and working with people. So, I need to create space for both, right? So we do have uh like a synchronous meeting where and it has to be um online because I have uh remote employees. So uh I mean that's another factor you could do if you could really lean into in person for some of that and then maybe you need to do like something online.

For me I'm just doing it all online. But I also need to make sure that there's this asynchronous opportunity. Okay. So that people that don't feel super comfortable speaking up in those meetings, whether that's because um they're personally lacking some confidence, whether that's because there's other people uh on the team that uh do a lot more speaking um like naturally, uh you know, not in a way that's like, uh purposefully steamrolling people, but they have kind of found their voice, right? So we have to temper that, too. So, it's like there's there's a lot of different things that are going on, but I would say as a manager or a team lead, like awareness of this kind of stuff and trying to to consider that people have different ways of effectively communicating I think is important.

Now going back to what this person was asking about originally is like I agree that yes all those things I just said I I think are valuable but that doesn't mean that individuals should say well this is just how I am. I should never try to improve in those other areas. I think that's great. I I don't think it's good to like to blame yourself and say like oh I I suck at you know sharing my ideas in meetings. is like I don't think that's helpful. But if you acknowledge if you're like hey like compared to like sending an email or like a status update in writing like I find it more challenging to communicate in meetings. Okay. So great great to identify what's the plan to make that better. Um this person I think they said it in their post if not it was one of the comments near the top.

I honestly think one of the best things for this is like practice. I wanted to talk about the the environmental part first because I didn't want to just say, hey, like just start doing it and then sort of completely neglect that you might be in an environment that's not really helpful for that. Just as a heads up, that's why I talked about it in this order. But I think if you can help ensure that you have an environment that helps with that, right? And by the way, um if you are thinking about that and you're like, we don't really get uh an opportunity to speak up, like maybe maybe you have someone on the team who steamrolls every conversation or something like that. If there's sort of these unique situations, these are things you should talk about with your manager to try and like let them know that you you want to try making improvements for yourself, how you're sharing ideas and you're finding it challenging because of this.

Work with your manager on that, right? Um I I think sometimes managers find it hard or they don't catch it. Um, I'm not saying I'm perfect at it either. Like, definitely not. Uh, it's always weird talking about management stuff and then saying like here's the right and the wrong way to do it because I'm not suggesting I do it perfectly. Uh, not by any means. But, uh, it's way easier to sit in a car and reflect on it versus like what do I actually do in practice, right? Um, yeah, if you have these kinds of things, like try to have a conversation with your manager to get those cleared up so you're starting to reduce some of the barriers, but but ultimately like try to challenge yourself a little bit with going outside of your comfort zone. And so it's um if you're the kind of person, for example, where you're like, I don't want to talk about it in the meeting.

I want to think about it offline, write some notes down, and then send those notes out. I like I get it, right? That feels more comfortable for me a lot of the time cuz I just want to be in my own head where I can collect my thoughts. Um, but what might be interesting is like if you're in a meeting and you like are the kind of person who needs to look and reflect on notes, like maybe you can practice taking some notes in the meeting and then at the end of the meeting like you can share a summary of some of your thoughts. Like finding little opportunities where you can at least get to speak in the meeting I think will help tremendously. But I also think that this is like going to be a bit of a personal thing for you. Like what is the and you have to do a bit of introspection on this.

Like what is the thing that you're you're struggling with, right? Is it being able to feel comfortable speaking about things? Is it that um you don't feel that you have enough time to process things? Because like these are very different, right? If I'm like, "Oh, just like make sure you summarize your thoughts and like you can say it at the end of the meeting." Well, that doesn't work at all if like if if your brain's not like kind of giving you that opportunity to to think about things. So, I think you need to identify kind of where your sticking point is. And then then you'll want to tailor maybe like your focus on on that. And like I said, for this person, I'm going to bring up the ADHD thing again. um that might be a factor here. Um where if they're trying to collect their thoughts, analyze things as the conversation's happening, maybe it's like they can only focus on one or the other kind of thing and that makes it pretty challenging.

So this is why it's like not I'm not saying you have to change everything you're doing, but like try to challenge yourself with practicing something like this. Um, I know for me, I'm uh I'm very much a person who likes having data before going into a meeting because what I don't like doing, it's like very uh either distracting or like difficult for me is if I go into a meeting and we're trying to discuss like pros and cons of something like a path forward. If for the very first time I'm like okay I need to see data then like I feel like I haven't had time to digest it. So for all these reasons I was just saying like it's too distracting for me to try and have a conversation and analyze data at the same time. Um if it's something I've seen before and I've at least kind of like loaded it into my brain then that's really helpful.

doesn't mean I have to have done my full analysis or something ahead of time, but I do like having at least at least an early look at it because sometimes it's like it can feel overwhelming for me when there's a lot of data and I'm like, "Okay, I need to be having a conversation with this. I want to be arriving at a a helpful conclusion, but like I'm just trying to get my bearings with this data." So, like if there's little things like that where you you can pick up on them for yourself, say the data thing, if you know that you're about to have a meeting where something like that's going to be discussed, could you ask the um you know the meeting coordinator, hey, like if you have data that we're going through, can you send it out ahead of time? Another one, uh and I don't know why this happens still, like what year is it?

2025. um going into like architecture reviews and like not having a document well enough uh in advance. I feel like there's no excuse for that. Um I'm sure there are excuses. That's why it happens. But if it's planned to be like that, then I don't I can't wrap my head around that. Um but like that's really overwhelming for me because I'm like I haven't I haven't had time to load it into my brain yet. and now you want to start like diving into an analysis or like a a debate on things like it doesn't work well for me. So again like if I notice that that's a pattern with a a meeting coordinator or just for a particular forum I might suggest to them hey can we get this stuff earlier so that we can have time to think.

So you can do some of these steps ahead of time if if you're like me and then from there then you can try to make sure that you're using some of the time in the meeting to get an opportunity to speak up. Um something I have seen work well is like if you if you have a colleague or maybe it's your manager or your team lead or something like that. Um if you've if you've made it aware to them like this is something you're trying to work on. Um, I've certainly done this with employees where they're we've talked about, you know, speaking up in meetings and they're trying to build confidence with this. Uh, you can, depending on your working relationship, you might be able to, uh, get some help with a bit of a layup. Um, what I mean by that is like no one likes being put on the spot.

Uh so you know if a I would say if a manager who's not maybe a great manager with a lot of experience if they heard a call or one of their team members wants you know help speaking up in a meeting what could they do they could just say hey Jimmy um tell tell the class about whatever that might put this might get the person to speak up but they might be like oh my god I hate everything about what's going on. Um, so instead if you have someone like your manager or like I said a team leader, even a colleague >> where there you have like um you've had this conversation about what you're trying to do here, they might if they're more comfortable doing this kind of thing, they might be able to when they're talking through the topic be like, "Oh yeah, Jimmy, like uh I know that we were talking about this uh earlier today or earlier this week and like you had some really interesting thoughts on this.

Like, do you want to do you want to share like uh that thing that you were explaining to me? And like that's what I mean by a layup where it's like you've already kind of had a precon conversation about something and then you're getting someone to break that ice for you. Um, I think that this can be a tactic that works. Uh, I don't think that it's something you want to lean on for forever, but I I do think if uh one of your things is like, I don't know how to like break into the conversation, then that could be something that's helpful. Um, does involve a little bit more upfront like, you know, relationship building and planning to make that kind of thing happen.

But uh like I said, I've done I've done this with team members before um because like they have great ideas and they're trying to find uh you know their their confidence to speak up in meetings and they just need that little bit of a nudge and then once they get used to it I at least in my experience like it's it's not been a every time I want to speak up in a meeting like please Nick like in introduce me so I can speak up. Usually they go wait it's not so bad speaking in front of my you know my colleagues and usually the meetings are pretty small anyway but um it's just a comfort thing. So as I get close to CrossFit here the the reminder that I want to leave you with is that like this kind of thing is going to be very individual of course.

So I would try to give it some thought about like where do you feel you're getting held up? What aspects of communicating in meetings? Is it, you know, your ability to get your thoughts organized? Is it, you know, multitasking analysis with uh with communicating those ideas? Is it maybe something in your environment that's holding you back? Is it confidence to speak up? Like, I don't know for you what it is. And um for everyone, it's probably different a little bit. So, I think if you can work on identifying that first and foremost, then you can try taking some steps to go address it. But, um, everyone is different, right? Don't uh don't beat yourself up for that. I think it's great if you're trying to improve on things, but you got to take those steps. So, thanks for watching. If you got questions, leave them below in the comments.

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