Thief Of Joy: Comparing Yourself With Other Software Engineers

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all right good morning folks just finished CrossFit I'm going to go to the YouTube comments for a question um the viewer asked I put in a lot of hours coding in college but despite working much harder than my classmates I'm still not doing as well as them even with all the extra effort I'm not performing great but I'm getting better but not at the same Pace as my classmates I think also my first semester I didn't really take it so serious but yeah I don't know do you have uh an opinion uh do you have opinion oh do have you do you have an opinion on this that would help essentially is what they're asking so going to walk through this I just got to back into the spot um windows are all fogged up cuz I've been sitting in here trying to catch my

breath let's get that back um let me get on the road here and as I'm doing that friendly reminder to stop beeping at me holy gez um friendly reminder if you want questions answered please add them to the comments I do go through read them engage try to get top ics for videos and uh of course uh if you have something that's a little bit more indepth and you want to keep it Anonymous feel free to message me on social media just look for Dev leader that's my main uh personal brand my main YouTube channel and all my social accounts are under Dev leader so I will keep it Anonymous you can write me more in depth uh and I'm happy to try and and answer um okay this is I think a pretty common thing that happens I know that uh I certainly felt

this way going through University but um for different aspects okay so I'll kind of share some of my my experience and then we'll talk about this a little bit more generically um sorry to clear the the windshield there so for me in University I've kind of told this story before but I felt like when I was in university I went for computer engineering and the way that our program was structured you're basically with the same classmates for the entire 5 years that you're in school for the most part um it only changes like in the upper years really when you start to have some elective classes but otherwise I was with the same same folks for 5 years um so I found in University that things were really divided between people that seem to be very good at math and people that seem to be

good at programming and it's not that you couldn't overlap I'm not saying like that wasn't possible but it seemed like people either had a knack for one or the other and in high school for me like I was someone I would have said was both um so I like never had to try at math I always had like high 90s in math which is sweet I was you know like whatever I can just kind of Coast through anything math and because I love to program I was like I'm going to be a strong programmer in school as well but what happened was that when I got into University uh I was still what I would call you know a strong a strong programmer relatively speaking um but my math skills were horrendous so I was almost failing my math classes University uh which is a

bit of a shock for me but what I was doing was kind of looking around and going like this isn't fair like how are these other people um you know getting such high grades how is it that they're able to excel at this stuff and this is sort of one of the the really obvious Parts in my I not childhood um my young adult life I guess I can say where I started to do um some comparison like this okay so try to look at how I am compared to classmates and going wow like it's um and I shouldn't use the word wow um because I want to talk about this a little bit when we do comparisons it wasn't so much wow it was like it's not fair why is it that they can do so good I'm trying so hard how can they

be doing better than me and um this is kind of like this pattern is not a good one to get into and I'm not a a psychologist my my wife is the one that works in Psychology so I'm sure she could actually have some uh more intelligent answer that I'm going to give you as to why this happens uh or the impact of it but at least anecdotally what I think happens is like it really just sets us up for for not performing better when we do comparisons like this um I can't there's like a good quote that's like and I'm I'm tired and I'm not going to remember it but the uh like oh comparison is the thief of Joy I think is what it is um and I think that that really is like truthful here um so when we start doing this

it's like what we're not doing is acknowledging that we are taking steps forward because what we start to do is look at other people and we only seem to again anecdotally only seem to pinpoint the people that are doing well and going it's not fair they can do it I'm also trying hard why can I not but what we're not doing is looking at all the other people who also might be having challenges we just look at people that are excelling and then go it sucks like it's not fair so what we see is this dichotomy between someone who's clearly doing something very good you don't know how much effort they're putting in right that's kind of hidden from you but then you look at your own effort going in and the results and it's you know we get discouraged by it but we don't

look at all the other people who are also maybe struggling or also putting in a lot of effort and not having you know those results that stand out to you so the only other brief example I want to to give and this is just something outside of software development is like like even as a content creator I fall into this kind of trap all of the time I put in a lot of effort into content creation code commute is a bit of an exception for me because I can just turn on a camera and talk in a car and um and it gets more views than my main channel so it's kind of ironic that what I've been doing over the past few years as a content creator is I'll see other people that just start a YouTube channel there was a a recent example

on LinkedIn where someone was like oh I haven't made a YouTube video in like 6 months and I went from like 100 subscribers to over 12,000 from one YouTube video because uh Prime if you know the prime agent he had like shared it in a video and this person got more YouTube subscribers from one video than I've gotten across two channels and over 400 videos and you can imagine how that made me feel like obviously I'm happy for them but I'm like I've spent thousands of dollars on edited videos on my main Channel over two years of like cranking out videos over 400 videos across these two channels and from one video this guy gets you know like more subscribers than I have between both my channels that makes me feel like what am I even doing here so it's not a good spot to

be in to do this comparison because in all of a sudden it makes it feel like everything I'm doing is all for not and that's not the kind of mentality we want to have when we're trying to get better at things and trying to be successful and I'm not here to be like a like a motivational speaker or anything like that but I I I do mean this right and I'm saying this because I have like I've lived it and I'm still living this kind of thing so I want to share that with you so that number one you you realize like you're not alone when you do this kind of thing but number two it's also just like not beneficial like nothing nothing good comes from that if you're going to compare yourself to other people I think you need to change the framing

of it so instead of being like it's not fair why can they do so great instead if you're going to compare yourself to someone else say wow this is why I wanted to reserve this word wow look how good they're doing I would love to be successful like that as well I wonder what I can learn and emulate from their behavior that may also help me be that way that's a more positive framing versus it's not fair okay so for this person that's asking when they're doing this comparison with their classmates everyone is going to learn at different paces and the reality is and it may not be obvious to to you right now or you as the viewer and you're not the person that submitted this what you may not realiz is that especially in like college University could be boot camps there's going

to be things that you're observing where your peers they might stand out right they might be excelling at something that you're not necessarily excelling at and it's kind of in front of your face it's around you and uh and it's kind of like repeated right but what you might not realize is that you're going to have other skill sets that you will be excelling at that they don't and that's not so you can say haha and rub it in their face that's because I want you to think about that and say it may not be something that's being highlighted right now and a really good example of this a really good one we see it especially with people that switch between uh careers is you might be someone and I don't know I don't know this person that submitted the question right I don't know

you the viewer but a really good example of this is like is soft skills this is a really undervalued part of soft engineering it's why you'll hear me talk about it all the time um because it goes a really long way especially as you're becoming more senior your technical skills will continue to get better because you'll be exercising them constantly right it's always in front of your face you need to be coding you're designing things you're working on more complicated systems this kind of stuff will just keep happening the longer that you're in the field and soft skills as well but I think that we have to put a little bit more conscious effort into them you might be someone already that has a natural ability for some of these soft skills maybe you are someone that communicates really well or that has empathy right

you maybe you're a really good Problem Solver um and or you can debug things really effectively but how you're getting you know assignments or questions in school isn't really translating into that so my point is that when we do this type of comparison we're we're basically just highlighting faults of ours and then feeling and I don't mean to like I don't know be rude but like kind of like feeling sorry for ourselves and I I can I feel like I can say this because I am someone that has done this and I did this recently with the uh the content creation example I I gave with the YouTube thing like getting like I remember I I shared this too like my I was having a conversation with my wife and she was like what's wrong like why like she could tell she's like why are

you like why are you so down right now right and it was literally because of this where I'm doing this comparison and starting to be like it's not it's just not fair it's not fair right but like that what is that going to help with so instead it's like okay well if I were to do a if I were to do a reflection there's probably many things that I could go do a comparison and be like okay like these things I excel at okay I feel better but like again if as soon as we start comparing I don't think it's a great spot to be in so for for you if you're in college or university and you see your classmates excelling at things that's great you need to focus on yourself okay the like your classmates how they're performing that's outside of your control

great for them um but like you have to focus on on what you can do so um if you are feeling like you're falling behind on things nothing there's nothing wrong with having like identified weaknesses I think there's something wrong with having identified weaknesses and then consciously neglecting them even though you're like I I need to work on that like that's something we need to improve on or uh I shouldn't say something wrong but like I don't know an opportunity if you're just like I don't even care to understand what my weakness as might be we need to be able to do reflection like this so that we can Target where we need to improve sorry my mouth is so dry and that's a smoothie so it's not even like it's not even refreshing um so I'm trying to think of some helpful advice for

this person right you're in school you're doing this comparison kind of thing um I would like either try to not do the comparison thing at all or if there are people that stand out to you where you're like impressed by how good they're doing why not talk to them about it right and and like turn turn it around instead of being like Oh Jimmy in my class it's not fair that he's you know able to do way way uh way better than me like why don't you talk to Jimmy and see like how is Jimmy studying how is Jimmy preparing for these things maybe just to give you an example maybe Jimmy isn't actually that great at assignments and things like that but Jimmy can Ace exams really good at writing exams I knew people like this I certainly was not good at writing exams

to this day if you had to give me an exam on something I would struggle versus a project but some people are like this and if the if you're working scheme is skewed to be more weighted for exams maybe people excel at this but my point is like maybe go to Jimmy and say like hey like I you know just I was I've been really impressed by you know your ability to like you know deliver on these types of things like it seems like you're getting really great marks like is there anything that I could learn from you in terms of how you're studying or preparing for this stuff and then use that as a positive thing right hey hey someone I admire how you're doing could I learn from you you and not hey someone I'm jealous or it's unfair and by the way

I want to clarify this person that submitted the the question I'm not I'm not trying to put words into their mouth around like them being jealous or them saying it's not fair that's my that's my interpretation because that's how I have felt in those types of situations so that's actually those are my words um this person might just be curious and they don't actually have jealous feelings or uh it's unfair I'm just trying to get ahead of that and answer that for other people as well potentially so number one you could try transforming some of the jealousness or it's not fair situations into like opportunities number two is like you could try as much as possible cutting that kind of thing out altogether um the things you need to focus on or the things like the marks you're getting those will tell you where you

need to focus um coming up with the plan for how you want to get your first job uh the projects and stuff that you want to work on like focus on you focus on the things that are in your control because ultimately that's what's going to matter doesn't matter how Jimmy or Sally in your class are doing great for them be happy for them I know easier said than done um but that's not in your control so it's like it is just kind of wasted energy unless you want to use that energy for kind of learning from them um what else here I wanted to talk a little bit more about like Pace um for learning like I see this happen even with onboarding people at work at the same time similar levels that kind of stuff I've had employees that were on boarded at

the same time as each other um even having their levels kind of work against them in this context and in some cases here where say the more Junior person's able to ramp up faster than the more senior person right and so like I observe it I can only imagine the people in this situation the employees are observing it but some interesting things happen right like you know given time I've also seen in like in a situation like that where given a little bit more time so the the ramp up curve for the more senior person took a little longer but once they were ramping up their their rate of acceleration was much faster so they continued to like so basically they took a little longer to match the other person that was even more Junior than them and then once they match they just continue

to excel so it's not it's not the same it's not like linear necessarily it's not the same curve is other people everyone's going to have different things and the other thing to layer into that is like different strengths and weaknesses always so there's nothing wrong with taking you know different rate of or different pace to like learn something or to get better at something um I think it is important that you acknowledge that you are getting better at things so the person that wrote this question in like they did mention like I notice I am getting better and that's awesome like I think we don't do that enough where we reflect and say hey look like I am making progress that is a good step that's shouldn't be understated uh and I think should be highlighted and kind of like celebrated just because we don't

actually do that um you know the when I was kind of getting down on myself about having you know some other Creator basically completely overshot my Channel with one video um two over two of my channels with one video um what I wasn't doing is saying yeah but like look how far I've come right like great for them doesn't really have any effect on me but like actually this is a good opportunity for me to say look how far I've come in what I've been able to achieve I don't know many other people that have been able to put out like 400 videos in 2 years and and now and like I realized this the other day like at the start of January I guess like I've been doing over across my two YouTube channels like 12 to 15 YouTube videos a week when I

started doing YouTube just on my main Channel I was struggling I set a goal to do three videos a week and like that's already a lot for most people and I'm doing like 12 to 15 that's a like a ridiculous set of growth so like and again I'm not saying this to brag my point is like it would have been really helpful for me to think about hey look how far I've come it's a good reminder I just think that we don't do this enough for ourselves you don't have to go bragging about it to other people but it's a good reminder for you to say hey look I am making progress here and you can use that to try and restore some momentum um yeah people will learn at different rates you like I was saying you'll see this even with uh like in

Industry not just uh academically um but I've experienced both um I've done you know okay let's talk about some more comparison stuff I've I've done comparison to myself to other managers um and been like hey like I'm doing more um like why why is it that I'm not getting paid like uh like for the amount of work that I'm doing that's more why aren't I getting paid like proportionally that more um I've I've SE I've had employees that have talked to me about this happens a lot actually where if someone feels that they've been in a level for a particular amount of time and they're like I and I've come into teams by I just want to kind of add a bit of a disclaimer here I've come into teams that have already existed and people that have already been at a level for a

particular time and um you know they're perceiving that they should be at a higher level like hey I've kind of I put in my time I should be at a higher level and then what they do is they they compare themselves to someone else they say yeah but I know so and so so and so has been at that level for x amount of months and like there's an obvious sign right like I should also be at least at that level because because of that but again this is like a surface level comparison um I've I've had employees do this uh comparing themselves to other people I manage and they don't know what's going on behind the scenes right they have one perspective on it and I'm not saying that's like their perspectives wrong but it's an incomplete picture so we we do these comparisons

without a complete picture and uh I often think that it skews our perception even more so my recommendation just to kind of wrap it up is like focus on what you have control over keep working hard keep identifying where you have gaps try to work on those recognize your strengths you can lean into strengths double down on them um nothing wrong with that but uh try not to be blind to where you have opportunities because I think those are some of the best areas for growth especially if they're uncomfortable uh especially so I think that's it though uh I'm just about to get home I'm going to unlock my front door here um I should be I'm going to the office today I don't usually go on Tuesdays but yesterday was a holiday so I'm going to go to the office today and tomorrow so

we'll get a couple more code commute videos done together um and yeah just a reminder like if you have questions add them to the comments below or send a message to Dev leader on YouTube um I don't know when I'm going to post this one maybe this afternoon uh or tomorrow morning but uh I I wanted to remind people with the live stream on my main Channel that's uh at 700 p.m. Pacific so on my Dev leader YouTube channel 7 p.m. Pacific on Mondays I live stream on topics just like this right the general software engineering uh I take questions so if there's people that are active in the chat I will spend my entire time talking about what's in the chat i' would rather spend time doing that so um hope to see you there 7 p.m.

Pacific on Mondays on my main Dev leader channel so thanks for watching I hope this was helpful and I will see you next time take care