This Developer Is Driving Me NUTS Making Me Solve Their Problems

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Hey folks, it's Fancy Wednesday volume two. We'll probably be totally alone at work with no one else dressed up for Fancy Wednesday, but that's okay. It's right before Thanksgiving. I don't really expect many people to be there. I just want to get in the habit of continuing Fancy Wednesday. We're going to Experience Dev subreddit. This one is about a person who's dealing with a situation where a mid-level developer on paper um is essentially reaching out to this author for help, but um you know usually like nothing wrong with that on the surface, right? But it sounds like what's happening is that uh the person who's reaching out for help, this mid-level developer is saying to this this person who I I assume is more a senior. I don't really know. Um they're saying like as they're walking through stuff like okay like but yeah, can like can you do that for me kind of thing.

So to me that's a bit of a red flag. Um, but uh, you know, long story short on this scenario, it's like this person's kind of getting irritated that they're spending time with this person, but there's not really like a they're like, I don't really see a growth path here because I'm just doing the stuff for them and they're asking for some help on this. So, I I think this would be a good one to talk through. I think there's a whole bunch of different angles we can look at and a friendly reminder for everyone. If you have questions about software engineering, career growth, that kind of stuff, leave them below in the comments. I'm happy to try and answer. Otherwise, you can go to codemute.com. You can submit questions anonymously that way. And I will make you a dedicated video. And if that's too much work to go to a website and do it, if you just find me on social media, send me a message.

Um, I have people that will reach out, they don't even know about code commute. And they'll say like, hey, can you, you know, what are your thoughts on this? And I'll tell them like, I will make you a video. Um, it's a it's like a more scalable thing. And I think it helps other people. Um, you know, I anonymize what's going on. Um, cool. Okay. So, this is uh I don't want to say it's like super typical, but I think some of the patterns we see in this example are typical. where we have people that are trying to help others because they believe that's uh not only the right, you know, sorry, maybe I'll start by saying it's expected of them, but not only is it expected of them, they actually, you know, want to do like the right thing and help others, right? Um, but there's a breaking point for everyone.

And I've seen this personally with people where it's like, you know, they're they are genuinely people that really care about others. They're trying to help. they want their team to succeed, but they get to a point where they're like, "Okay, like I I have spent so much time with this person across all of these scenarios." And like at this point, I really should not be helping this person with this because it's demonstrating to me that like despite all of my effort, they're no, it's seemingly no closer to like being independent on this thing. So um I do sorry one sec just want to turn here so I do think that this is uh common in that regard. And I think the part that's a little bit unusual I have I don't think that I have encountered many scenarios where the the person getting the help doesn't seem like eager or thankful to like try and like do the things on their own.

So like if someone is literally proposing like oh here's you know a thing to go run or like here's where to go navigate to that the person that is getting help is like oh can you just do it for me? Um I'm not saying that that never happens but I feel like that's a in my experience a lot more rare. I have found mostly that it's uh two other things that happen um aside from okay maybe I'll say three things. the the one which is what we want is that the person who's getting the help goes great like thank you for that let me try doing this right because they need to they need to drive and part of that by the way is the person who's offering the help needs to facilitate it in a way that allows the other person to drive right some this is the the inverse of this is the one example where the person who's trying to help takes total control and doesn't allow the other person.

I can't remember the variations I was going to talk about. I'm so sorry. Um I'm like, wait, I said two then three. Um but yeah, we have where people do try to take uh responsibility and accountability and they're they're trying to run the things on their own. Uh we have the scenario where people are not even creating such an environment. And I thought there was a third. But point is that you you can run into this situation and if uh if the person who's getting the help is not the person who is trying to you know to execute the commands or like take the actual actions. I find that um more often than not, this really uh either doesn't help someone progress or the progression is very slow cuz you're kind of like unblocking them right in this moment, but like the the learning is is minimized because they didn't go do the thing.

But yeah, a lot more rare I find where someone's like, "Hey, can you just do it for me?" like ah I don't run into that too much. But how do we navigate this kind of thing, right? Because this is a sort of a conflicting situation for someone who's trying to help. They know that they're supposed to be helping and they're like look like I don't know if I can take this anymore. uh you know it's probably very frustrating uh for from different reasons but one of them is like this takes up time and and clearly it's not being effective right so I I definitely can see how that would be frustrating I have talked with people that I have managed where they're like look I'm trying to help and I'm I'm kind of reaching my my tipping point here like I don't know what else to do but they they do believe that and I mean this genuinely like they they believe that helping people is the right thing.

So the one angle I wanted to start with on this is like I think that it's quite common people believe they are helping by getting someone unblocked which is true like that is helpful but um they don't realize just how much they are doing and not letting the other person And this is I feel like a side effect of like being very busy and wanting to kind of get back to like the thing that they were doing. And I don't mean that in a way to suggest that like therefore people don't value like helping others. I don't I genuinely think in my experience that most people recognize like helping people on the team is very beneficial. So I don't mean to suggest that people are like, "Oh, like like screw that." Like I'm, you know, I'm a lone wolf here. Let me get back to whatever is more important.

Um I I think that it happens almost like subconsciously where it's like people are busy and like how how do I get back to the thing that I I probably feel like is more important because it's the thing that I have been tasked with, right? So it's not I feel like it's not a malicious thing where it's like screw this person. It's more just like, "Cool, you need help and like I only got so much time. Like, how do I how do I make this most efficient, right? Like, let me show you what I'm doing, but I'm gonna do it because otherwise it's going to take too much time, right?" Like, people kind of fall into this pattern and then at the end of a conversation, they probably feel like, well, I got the person unblocked. The person who got the help is like, sweet, I'm unblocked.

So, people leave a conversation like that uh probably feeling like cool, like we we got it done. And don't get me wrong, they probably did. But the the challenge here is that like this is not a a scalable approach. And I say it's not scalable because the effectiveness generally the effectiveness of learning by following this pattern is is low. And if you think about it, like I know from my own experience, if I go read documentation or watch a video on something and then you remove the documentation or the video from me and then the next day or a week later you say go do the thing that the documentation said, I would be like I I remember like one part of that, right? Like if if you're not doing the thing, it's a lot harder to retain. It's the same reason why a lot of us are suggesting to newer developers like if you want to get better, stop looking for shortcuts.

Start building things. Start using code. Start using, you know, tech stacks. Start doing the thing that you're trying to get better at. And yeah, you're probably going to suck at it in the beginning. And that's totally cool. totally expected, but you need to start doing. And I think it's the same thing with a lot of uh like problems people run into is you can you can get unblocked by talking to someone, but if uh if you're never the person who is being hands-on with it, I feel like it doesn't stick as well. So my recommendation is like first of all do a little bit of reflection here for yourself and be honest, right? Try to think through some scenarios and be like, you know, the la like last week, what who who was I helping? What did it look like? Was the other person sharing their screen?

Were they the one clicking around doing things? Or were you were you the one sharing your screen? You were the one saying, "I'm going to press this button. I'm going to write this code. I'm going to do whatever because I'm not saying it's wrong. Like that's not my intention to make this very much like a a black and white yes or no, wrong or right thing. But like think about it. If if you spend more of your time doing the clicking and the driving, this might be a really good opportunity for you to flip that around. So something to think about. So this is this is one part where you you may not realize but like you you are trying to help you're spending time with people but how you're doing it is to is more of like a short-term kind of success. So that's a good I think a reflection uh to try and do.

And then the next thing is like cool if you have some a little bit more awareness of this. I have to yawn. There it is. That one was trying to sneak its way out for a while. Um if you have a little bit more awareness of this and you're kind of building that awareness up through these reflections, like try to keep that as much as you can like front of your mind when you're when you are helping the next person, right? And it's so like I'm not saying that this is instantly going to be solved and like we just change your behavior automatically. But if you're like, "Okay, I'm helping this person and you're like your instinct is I'm going to share my screen. I'm going to go point them to like where this is in the code and start walking through." Like try to catch yourself and say to the other person like, "Hey, like you share your screen, right?

You're going to drive. I'm and it's going to feel probably slower and a little bit more frustrating because like it is more work on your part. You now tell someone where they need to click or what they have to go search and you might be sitting there going like, "Oh my god, like it's right there on your screen." Like, "How can you not see it?" Or um you know, I told you to go run this command and like you don't even know the command. Oh, this is so frustrating. Like I could have done this in 2 seconds. It's like, yeah, that's the point. Um, it's going to probably suck a little bit, but that is part of their learning experience. So, um, I'm not saying that you have to sit there on a call with them and do it necessarily, but kind of pushing things more towards the other person to go drive the action, I think, is going to help a lot.

It probably will feel slower in the beginning. So having some awareness trying to catch yourself and then make adjustments to be like you do it uh I think will help. The reason this is kind of weird advice when you hear about this Reddit post though is like the other person is suggesting can you just do it for me? Like what I would say is like try to make a conscious effort to be like no um no I will not just do this for you. Like I understand it might be quicker but like if you start drawing that line it depends on on the people right so I personally have not had experiences like this where someone's like uh developed a habit of it and I don't necessarily know if that's what this person has arrived at but um if if that's your concern I would say like draw a line and say like I will not do that like I've given you the commands.

You and like you can frame this in a way that's not like I'm being an about it. Like screw you, run your own command. It's more like, hey, that's the command. I think that it would be good if you go run this so you can practice it, right? You can frame all of these things in a positive way because legitimately it is a positive thing. The negative part is that it's probably a tiny bit slower right now, right? So this is all my suggestion from the perspective of trying to help the person. I have another yawn coming. I did not sleep well last night um at all. I had to I had to get up and like I woke up in the middle of the night. I was wide awake. It was like 1:45 in the morning and uh I'm just lying in bed. I'm like, I can't sleep.

Um, which is pretty rare cuz I have narcolepsy. So, I fall asleep like if I wake up, I can close my eyes and fall asleep pretty fast. Uh, but, uh, last night was not the case. I had to get up, go downstairs, sleep on the couch. I like forced myself to change my environment. But, I'm kind of feeling uh, a little tired now. The other perspective on this topic that I want to go through though is like the the missing part we haven't talked about on this video which is what we talk about on most videos on this channel. uh manager conversations, right? So, I think that it is worth surfacing and you can do this in a way that you know, you don't need to feel like a tattletail or anything like that, but uh raising awareness to this person's manager, especially if it's your manager, too.

I think that's really helpful. Um to raise awareness to be like, "Hey, just so you're aware, I am trying to help this person. Uh just so you're aware, I am trying to shift my style a little bit so that um you know so that they're being more hands-on and uh you know the side effect of that is like we might be getting through things a little bit slower. We got to pass this guy. Is that what's happening? There we go. Um, yeah, like side effect is like we might be moving a little bit slower, but here's why, right? Like here's why I'm doing this. I'm trying to make sure that they are being more hands-on. They're the ones getting more learning. And just being transparent about that because if you raise awareness to that early in a way that's not like, oh, this person sucks is like, cool, you're trying to do the right things.

If when you're trying to do the right things, it's still not working out over time, there could be a few things to look at. One is like, you know, are you genuinely being effective with it? That's one thing to look at, right? I don't know. You might feel it, but if you have if you need to have a further conversation with this person's manager, again, especially if it's yours, like is there something that you can can you walk through some scenarios and get some feedback to see is it possible that this person's just genuinely not skilled up at this point? Because if that's the case, you can, you know, provide evidence saying like, look, over these sessions, I've been trying to help this person this way and like how things have been progressing. it does not feel like the the right amount of progress is is being made.

Right? Here's my concerns, blah blah blah. Bring it up with their manager because if the manager has that feedback, they might be able to say, "Cool. Do I need to find different opportunities to skill this person up? Is this a uh a PIP situation where we have to like let this person know like very concretely like you got to turn this around?" we'll come up with a more specific action plan, but like heads up like this is not this is currently in the wrong direction and we got to turn it around, right? Um I think the earlier and more regular this kind of conversation or feedback happens, the fewer surprises there are for people, right? You don't surprise the person where they get feedback and it's like, "By the way, you're terrible." And they're like, "Well, what do you mean I'm terrible? like I've been approaching this this stuff the same way for a year and like this is the first time in a year that someone's telling me I'm terrible.

Um, right? Like there's fewer surprises uh for the person's manager where it's like, "By the way, I've been working with Billy for for 12 months now and I just wanted to let you know I've realized that Billy is terrible." And the manager's like, "Well, what the hell, man? Like why would you wait a year to tell me that? Like what are the things that like now it's a weird spot cuz we want to help Billy. How do we help Billy if we're so late into the feedback game, right? there's fewer surprises for you because if you're the person trying to help and you are acting with best intentions to do so, but for whatever reason the help that you're delivering is not effective um in terms of your approach, that could be a really good opportunity for you to get some coaching and to improve like your approach and how you're helping people.

There's nothing wrong with that, right? It's like this it's also a skill, right? Like you need to be able to have patience. You need to be able to communicate things in different ways. You need to be able to when I say different ways, I mean like not only uh like downlevel it so that people can understand it, but you might need to come up with several different variations of uh of some message that you feel like is the same, but you need to share it in different ways so that it gets through to someone, right? Like there's there's so many different aspects to this that are a skill. So, you know, if you're more new to doing this, like would you expect that you're just awesome at it right away? Like, probably not.

I've made videos about talking about some of my earlier experiences where I literally was going around I I can remember this like I can visualize the office space where I would go around to people's desks to air quotes help them and I would like write the last little bit of code right like oh just like slide over your keyboard mouse like I got this um you know like stuff like that where I'm like I'm the one doing it and then me sitting there going like, why is my whole day filled with doing other people's stuff? I haven't even gotten my own things done because I was never actually teaching people how to solve their problems. I was just trying to solve their problems for them. So yeah, I think manager awareness is is important. I think that uh you know awareness for you is important around your approach.

And I think those are the two major things I want to talk about. Um, I feel like if I keep talking, I'm going to start repeating myself more. That's probably a good indicator like I might be done here. Um, that doesn't mean that there's not more to talk about regarding this. Uh, if other people have thoughts, like definitely comments are appreciated if you want to chat through like here's how you've navigated this type of thing. But the reality is for this person, it very well might be that they're, you know, they're misleled. Some people brought up in the comments like, "By the way, like maybe this is actually totally expected if it's a new person to your team or your company, but how long has it been going on for?" because if it's for like months or something, they were saying I feel like that's not really my expectation.

Uh I I also personally think it's a bit of a flag to have someone be like, "Oh, can you just do it for me?" I'm not saying automatically that makes it a problem, but like a little suspicious makes me a little hesitant. Okay, buddy. You got to move. Okay, I think we're done here. Um, fancy Wednesday. I will see you next time. Take care.