The Secret to Surviving the Sunday Scaries as a Dev!

Transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.

Hey folks, we're going to the experienced dev subreddit. We're going to chat through this post that someone was talking about kind of like they frame it like getting their brain into gear compared to like weekends and vacations versus like getting back to work and kind of like operating in different modes this way. And so I wanted to talk about this kind of at a high level and then uh maybe share a little bit of perspective. Oh my goodness. What a That's not a very good turnout of a driveway, sir. Unless you're trying to get t-boned. Oh my goodness. That was not not good. Um, and then share some perspective on on some conversations I was having uh with someone I work with regarding like getting into the right state of mind and stuff for work and this balance between like not feeling efficient but like actually taking some time to disconnect being helpful.

So, kind of wanted to link all these things together and see how it goes. But, if you're new to the channel, uh it's primarily driven by uh people that submit questions. And so if you have questions that you want me to answer and make a a video response, just write something below in the comments. Otherwise, you can go to codecame.com. You can submit stuff anonymously that way. I just get an email from myself with your message. So, uh, please feel free to do that if you want to write more in-depth and then I'll try to my best to to give you some helpful perspective. And then something to consider is that hopefully that helps someone else too that's going through something similar. Cool. Okay. So yeah, this person was basically saying that it feels weird to them or they wanted to see if they're like maybe the only one that that works this way.

uh that they basically seem to be like when they're at work, it's almost like their brain has to be in overdrive to kind of keep up, be able to operate effectively, and then when it comes time for vacations, weekends, and stuff like that, um it's almost like that is where their baseline should be. And so they're saying it it's kind of tricky to, you know, to go from one to the other because when they have to get back to work, it's like they need some time to to ramp up and and get clarity and this kind of thing. And I think even one of the first comments in the thread was uh in in in my opinion kind of like helpful framing um which is really like hey like you know not no one is really expected to be you know 100% of the time operating at 110% with their brain.

like, you know, there's going to be, you know, some days or even some weeks where you might feel a little bit off. Uh maybe less than what you might expect for, you know, what you're considering your normal work output. Um even if that is like still like a good baseline, like it might not feel good to you. And like so some weeks might be great, some days might be great, but it's really kind of about a a balance overall, right? So, um I when I was reading that comment to me, I was thinking about um a parallel with like people on like weight loss journeys, right? where someone's like trying to lose weight and especially if they're newer to the gym and health and fitness, they might have a particular day or particular week where like their weight didn't go down and like maybe it

went up and like, you know, you're working so hard and you're putting all this effort in and maybe you started with, you know, no physical activity and you're like, now I'm going like four, five, six days a week and I'm eating better and like how is it possible my weight like, you know, didn't keep dropping dramatically and it like it stayed flat or it went up a pound like oh no. Uh and that's a really crappy feeling, right? Um but the reality is that there's there's so much that can change like even even overnight uh like even from your your water retention, your fluid like there's just so much that can make uh like a difference like that. So the the it can it can feel very misleading from like checking a scale on like one outlier day and even over a week it's possible that like you know uh the average that you're checking happened to not go down at the rate that you were hoping for.

But the point is that you know you make in that case maybe you literally make no changes. You repeat the same thing and like the next week your average is down. um and maybe you make a a very slight change, right? And then you're back to like uh being on on track uh each week for for progressing in weight loss. And I think that we can, you know, take maybe a similar approach with even how we feel productivity wise at work. It's like you might have an off week and that's okay. Um, we have to have some, you have to have some kindness and compassion for ourselves that, you know, you might be, you might be operating at a a pretty high level and, you know, the the pedal's down to the floor and you're kind of just going and going and going. And if you're going to have an off week, that's not it's not the end of the world, right?

Try if you can use the weekend to reset a little bit. And um I don't know if there's if there's some reflection you're doing about maybe why that week felt like it was off. Maybe there's a small adjustment you want to make going into the next week perhaps and maybe not. Maybe maybe you're doing a bit of reflection on you're like I really don't know but like okay like you have a weekend in the middle try try to reset a little bit and then go into the next week and treat it as a new week. Right? But I think uh I think that it's important to also look at this kind of stuff over a longer time horizon because on this channel and uh like other social media channels I have, I absolutely think it's important for people to recognize burnout. So having an off week is to like it's fine, right?

It's like it's no one no one wants an off day, an off week. Um, it's like when that kind of stuff starts stacking up and you're like that's becoming the norm where every week, week after week, it's starting to feel like this is terrible. Like I can't be productive. I have no energy. Like that might be a a bigger sign. In this person's case, when they're writing this Reddit post, it didn't really that didn't seem to be the case. They were just talking about like when they're disconnected from work and then getting back into it, they they feel like they need to um like really ramp up. Like they can't just come back to work and be like boom at 100% again. There's like this period, maybe it's a day, a couple of days where they're like, "Okay, I have to get back into it." Um so I don't know.

I'm I'm making an assumption here. maybe for their weekends, like maybe their Mondays just always kind of feel like a slog and they're like, man, like how do I like I need a full day to recover from the weekend from being disconnected. Uh, and then if they're taking a vacation and maybe they're off for a week or two, maybe coming back takes a couple of days to to really feel like they're into it. So, I thought that was interesting. Um, primarily be because I guess like a couple things. one is like my brain is not like that at all. My brain's the exact opposite. Uh which I I wanted to share because if you're hearing me talk about the first part of this and you're like, "Oh yeah, I'm the same way." Others might be like, "Absolutely not. What is this person talking about?" That's that's my brain, right?

So, everyone's going to be different. So, I thought that was an interesting part. And then the second part was really just like I I realized that we're you know kind of spe I don't know if it's just like more emphasized with software engineers. I'm sure there's other careers that are like this too. So, I don't think we're that special of snowflakes, but there's a lot of um like emphasis on the grind and getting better and like trying to like get further in our careers and everything's go go go all the time. And uh the I I you not the number of times I've had promotion conversations with people and okay maybe one time in the same no twice in the same conversation in my career. I promoted uh people twice and sorry I what's the right way to say this? I've had two times in my career where I promoted someone and in the same conversation they've asked about how to get their next promotion, right?

Like that's just to me that's just such a clear example of like there is a lot of focus and pressure around like getting ahead and trying to do like what what's the next level? How do we get there? like how do I bust my ass to do it? Right? And I'm I'm saying that not in a way that's like making fun of these people that have ass. I I mean I'm using it as an example to showcase like people are hellbent on on like trying to make it further in their career as measured by you know their their level and progress that way. So, I just Yeah, I think we don't have enough like kindness for ourselves when when we're like, "Wait a second. I'm not I'm not at 150% of my capacity. I must be falling off." And like I I am that way for sure.

I I very much feel like if I'm not if I'm not overloaded, I must be falling behind. And I, you know, obviously as I say those words, I'm like, that sounds really stupid, but that's that's the feeling that I have as I kind of operate. And, uh, you know, where that stems from, I don't know if I'm exactly sure, but uh, I I definitely feel that way. So, I wanted to kind of transition this conversation to um the next part, which is really it's almost the uh almost the inverse to what this person was saying and it's it's talking about about leveraging those breaks. So, something like a vacation, a weekend or having a long weekend with a little bit of extra time, right?

And uh so like recently we just had a long weekend here in the in the US and so this is kind of top of mind for me but the the okay the for for those of you this in includes me that that feel like you know you have a list of things to do or it's like you know maybe it's an indefinite list. That's how mine certainly feels. There's always stuff to do and basically if you're not doing it, you're falling behind, right? So if that if I say that and that kind of resonates with you, that's kind of going to be the focus of probably the rest of this conversation. So, the idea being that if you're not just actively trying to work, work, work on whatever it is, it doesn't have to be your career necessarily. Could be things uh uh chores. It could be things that have to get done around the house.

It could be uh I don't know some external project, whatever it is, right? Where you're like, I have and it could be across all of these things. I have a list of to do and if I'm not actively working on getting through that list, I'm I'm falling behind. Why this is like seems kind of silly and extra challenging is like, well, what happens when it comes time to take a break? Like you need a vacation and like you probably do need a vacation, right? Like there needs to be some time off. There has to be. We can't always be go go go at everything. You need to be able to rest. And so the paradox is that when you have this opportunity to rest, you're just stressed. All right? Like again, I say the words out loud.

How silly does it sound to be like, "Finally, you can rest." And the entire time you're just stressed about not making progress on things because you know, you know that list of things you have didn't go away. And if you're not actively working on it, if anything, there's probably more things that are getting added onto that list, right? It's like you are never going to make it through everything. So, as soon as you stop to rest, to relax, to take a vacation, you're all, you know, you're falling behind as a result. So, it's stressful. And so, this is again, this is like very much like how I feel a lot of the time. And I realize that's like not not a a healthy thing, right? I'm not I am not sharing that with you to say like see this is how I am and like that's all good.

Like no, I think that I really need to do a lot of work on myself for that for what it's worth. Um, but the reason I wanted to talk about this is cuz I know I'm not the only person. Oh, I shouldn't have moved over. This guy's not going fast enough. And I got to move over one more. Okay, we did it. Um, so this leads me to a conversation that I was having with someone I work with and we were sharing this like uh sort of mutual lived experience of like it's really hard to disconnect. And one of the things that came up in the conversation that I thought was very interesting and I'm hoping it's helpful. I think it was helpful for me to hear and kind of think through. So, I wanted to share it.

It was this idea of like I know for myself when I'm go go go go go go and I'm stressed out trying to do too many things and I'm like I just I need to be doing them or else I'm falling behind. One of the side effects is that I become uh I rate. And what I mean by that is like if I'm go go go go go trying to get through my list and then I get a little bit overwhelmed, it only like it takes me only a little bit for something to push me over the edge and like uh I will share that for people that I work with like uh they've joked with me in the office like as a I am Canadian, right? So, uh, they'll joke with me in the office like, "Oh, like someone was saying like, "Oh, Nick, like you're the the nicest person on the team." kind of thing.

Like kind of like a bit of a Canadian joke, I guess. And but they were basically saying that like they never see me upset or whatever. I seem to be calm a lot of the time. And I I've told them like, "Hey, like, you know, I obviously I try to make sure that I present myself this way. that doesn't mean I don't get super frustrated about things or annoyed or whatever. And truthfully, when I'm working from home, like I don't do a good job covering that. And it's because no one's there to like observe my my body language and things like that. Obviously, if I'm on a call, I'm shown I, you know, will keep my my composure, but there's there's tons of things that frustrate me. And unfortunately, when I'm sort of at my capacity for trying to get through work and make progress on things, like I said, it only takes a little bit in those modes to like push me over the edge and get flustered or angry or whatever.

Uh the example I was sharing with this person I was talking to, this is how like this is how bad it gets where um I'm one of those people you might have heard of like no hello. like I don't put it in my status on Teams and stuff like that, but I'm very much a no hello person. And if you haven't heard of that, uh maybe this is gonna resonate with you, maybe not. Um if you're on a messaging platform and someone just says like hey or just says hello and there's no other context, right? Just a single message, hey. Um that drives me nuts. It drives me absolutely crazy. And so it only takes a message that says like, "Hey, no context or whatever for me to get completely pissed off." And I again say the words out loud.

I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but it's just something that, you know, already bothers me in the first place for a bunch of different reasons, but it only takes a very small thing like that when I'm at my capacity uh to kind of just really frustrate me. And so where I'm going with this, like why am I talking about no hello and being frustrated very easily? When I was talking with my coworker about this, we were both saying it feels really hard to take time off, but coming back to work was very much like, hey, that thing that's really really challenging for me, right? taking a lot of time and effort and whatever. Uh I was able to take on things that were more difficult, more challenging and actually had less stress doing it. And so I don't know if that made sense, but I'll kind of I'll say it again maybe in a different way.

Like basically taking a break, coming back, doing something that was even more challenging than before or more stressful than before, should have been more stressful was actually not. was actually something that they could basically much more easily take on. And so they had this realization that like sure they weren't getting stuff done while they were on their on their vacation, right? Of course they're on vacation. They're not making progress on their list. But coming back to it, having that bit of a reset and actually being able to disconnect and clear their mind and come back to work, they were saying some stuff that was that should have been significantly more stressful and challenging. They came back and they were like, "Cool." Like, you know, they could they could keep their composure. They could work through things more effectively.

and they were like, "Hey, like I think that's a really good learning and lesson here that while I was gone, there was not progress on the list of items to do, but while I was gone, I had this opportunity to kind of uh reset and I thought that was uh really helpful framing, right? Kind of like working on your mind and coming back and having more capacity. So, wanted to share that. Hopefully some part of this video was helpful. Um, but yeah, if you got questions, leave them below in the comments. Otherwise, go to codeame.com, submit something anonymously, and I'm happy to make a video response for you about career stuff, software engineering. No math questions, please. Um, but I'll try my best on anything else. Thanks. Take care.