Me vs The Other New Guy - Unspoken Developer Competition

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Hey folks, I'm just headed to the office here. We're going to go to a question that was submitted. This is from the code.com website. So, if you want questions answered completely and honestly, anonymously, if I could speak, go to codecute.com. You can submit questions there. I'm going to do two videos for this one cuz um this person gave some context, which is great. And I think there's kind of two parts I want to talk about. This car is coming. Um, and uh, yeah, I think two videos will make more sense just to keep the theme a little bit more focused. But anyway, I'll try to do them both on this drive in. If not, then I'll do the other one on the drive back. First part to this is that this uh, individual started at a company and um, a more junior developer and there's another developer that has also kind of started at the same time and they said that it kind of feels like there's this competition.

um like I don't know like an unspoken competition where it's like you know who's doing better um feels like a lot of comparison to be totally transparent. I don't know how much of this is like uh and this isn't meant to sound condescending. I don't know how much of this is in this person's head versus like how much of this actually comes up in in conversation. And so obviously if there's a lot of it that comes up in the environment they're working in from other people, I don't think that that's very good. But that would be something in my opinion to go have a conversation with uh your manager about, right? If you're feeling like people are kind of doing that and that doesn't make you feel very welcome, uh not something that you like, I would couple things like talk to the people that are doing it.

Try to have a you know private conversation with them. say, "Hey, like that doesn't feel very good." Might sound kind of funny, right? Like we're adults. Like, why do I have to have to why do I have to go have a conversation like this, but some people genuinely don't realize that they're they're getting under your skin? And uh I feel like most people, if you were to just tell them like, "Hey, that bothers me without kind of blowing it out of proportion in like a in a conversation or whatever, but like addressing them kind of in private." I think that anyone that I can imagine that I've worked with would be like, I just didn't know. I'm really sorry. Um, now whether or not they change their behavior is a different story, but I would start that way and then of course, you know, bring it up to your manager.

Uh, especially if it it is your manager that's kind of doing that. Um, but that's sort of a the first small part of this, right? is like if you're in the workplace and people are doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, I would talk to them about it. Uh depends on the level of severity, right? Like if in this case uh I I imagine that this is something where if it is actually people on the team doing this kind of thing, they don't realize that it's bothering you. Uh or if you're showing that it's bothering you, maybe they think that it's like it's fun, like it's just playful teasing kind of thing. Um you know, like they they might not know that it's genuinely having uh uh sort of like negative impact towards you. This might seem kind of funny because like it feels like on the surface that could be a malicious thing, but I don't think that people like generally operate that way.

And if it feels like that people are doing it to be hurtful to you, they probably don't realize that it actually is hurtful, right? They don't realize that their words or their actions are kind of cutting a little bit deeper. So, uh, I would honestly just have a conversation with individuals on the team. If they are doing it, escalate it to your manager as necessary. Um, but this person asked a good question. They're like, you know, what do we always say on this channel? How do we how do I level set expectations with my manager on what is expected of me? Especially if it feels like you're doing this uh this comparison game. Now, the other side to what I was just saying though was like maybe this person is kind of making up in their head this comparison game. And I I've talked about comparison before and like how it's pretty dangerous.

But uh I'll I'll touch on it right now just cuz I think it's very relevant. I don't think that comparison in and of itself is just like an evil thing or a bad thing. I think that it's what we do with the comparison that can make it good or bad. And good or bad sounds kind of weird, but like I don't mean like, you know, 100% good, 100% bad. All these things I talk about are on a spectrum. But comparing is just like going to illustrate a delta between two things, right? And when you compare yourself to others, usually what you're doing is comparing, you know, someone who is doing something much better or you're perceiving is much better than what you're doing. But we have this tendency to like pick one quality or one thing that someone does. So you pick Bobby and you're like, Bobby is really good at X and compared to me, Bobby is much better at X.

I suck compared to Bobby when it comes to X. And then you go to the next person. You're like, Sally is great at Y. Compared to me, Sally is way better at Y. Therefore, I am bad at Y. And when you do this, what ends up happening is like everyone else seems to be very good at something. And you seem to suck at all of these things. So like that's just not reality, right? You're kind of cherrypicking the best things of everyone and going like, I'm not that. So that's one thing I want to call out. The second thing is that if you're doing that comparison and then the the result of that conversation with yourself is like therefore I suck, therefore I'm never going to be good, therefore I should feel bad about myself. Like it's kind of like a dead end. Like everything sucks.

I think that's a really bad spot to get in. And I would tell yourself like stop doing comparison that way. If instead you're comparing yourself to Jimmy or I'm really bad at just coming up with names on the fly, sorry, but you're comparing yourself to someone else and you're going, "Wow, like they're really good at that thing. What is it that they are doing that makes them so good at that? What can I learn from what they're doing so that I can like work to improve in that direction?" Like that's a very positive spin on the exact same thing. All right? So, I would encourage that kind of thing if you're going to compare yourself to others. I find that it's really rare that people do that, honestly. Like, I don't have stats, but I feel like anecdotally when I talk to people on my team, it's almost always the other way, right?

Like it it feels unfair. Someone else is better, like I'm terrible or whatever. Uh like it always almost always feels like a very negative thing. But I have had individuals that have said like, "Wow, it's really awesome to work with person X, and like they're really good at being like Y and Z, and I'm so excited to learn from them about how to do Y and Z so much better. Like, I look up to them. I I can't wait to learn and emulate." And to me, that's a really awesome thing, right? Like you're they're kind of looking at it like this is an awesome learning opportunity, but the other way is kind of kind of risky. Um I just think that it leads to too much like negative spiraling. So comparison can be I think done well or done in a really negative way. Uh but it's all about how you approach it.

So level setting expectations with your manager, right? So you're maybe doing some of this comparison in your mind. Uh maybe you have some of that feedback from the team where in conversations they're they're making it seem like it's you against the other new person um who who's better, who's worse, whatever. Um like I said, I don't know how much of it is actually happening versus this person doing it in their head. Either way, um the reality is that like the I think my opinion the most important thing when it comes to your uh career progression and I say career progression like yes like long-term career progression uh but also like just how you're operating in your role. I guess the most important part is going to be if you and your manager are on the same page, right? Because you might think in any other example like, hey, I'm doing so amazing at this.

Or maybe you're thinking, I'm doing so terrible at this. But if your manager is not thinking the same way, that's either going to lead to I mean, it's going to lead to surprises regardless whether they're good or bad surprises is depending on which option we're looking at there. So I think most of the time the scenario is like I think that I'm doing well based on on the information I have and then there's like this disappointing uh result where it's like well I thought I was doing well. Why didn't I get promoted? Why didn't I get the bonus? Why didn't why didn't X happen because I thought I was doing well? Um so that's like one of the more common scenarios I see. Come on, buddy. Let's go. Um, I think the other one that comes up, I actually feel like this is, again, in my experience, a lot more common with with more junior developers.

And I think it's because they they they need or want more structure and understanding like how to kind of operate in their career. Sorry, you got to focus on this car that's in the fast lane that's not like I got people tailgating me now. Come on, just move over. There's people going around this truck that's beside me so they can pass this car that's in front of me. We got to figure this out. There we go. Okay, now that that's out of the way, um I find that at least in situations where I feel like I have made people comfortable to talk to me about this kind of stuff that are more junior that they're like, "Okay, like I'm new to the workplace and like I don't and I what I'm about to say is not meant to be condescending or anything like that. I think it's just like my like what I would expect.

It's like a very normal thing, but it's like new to the workplace. I don't really understand like how you know career progression works, how you know reward cycles work, promotions, like all this stuff. And like yeah even for me joining like I had been working in the industry for eight years 10 if you include my six internships and um when I joined Microsoft I'm like I don't know how this works right like it's it's normal to not know if you've never done something before. So these individuals I feel like benefit a lot from having conversations around like what is expected of me? Can we be more um more specific? Can we be more crystal clear about like, you know, the the pace that I'm working at, the types of work I'm doing? Um, and I think that there's a lot of benefit to just having conversations like this.

So, in this person's case where they're asking about this, I would genuinely just try to make some time uh in one ons. And it doesn't have to be like, you know, crammed into one oneonone conversation. I don't know why that was so hard to say. Uh, but you could say like, "Hey, this is a thing that I'd like to talk about over the next couple ones just to make sure that I'm like feeling like I'm aligned with you and your expectations." This is what you're saying to your manager. And it's like again, what are the what are the types of work that you're doing, right? Are they small bug fixes? Are they feature work? Are they are you designing things? Like what's expected? Um, can you give me feedback on the pace at which I'm working? Right. So, I think this person was talking about taking time to learn things.

This kind of goes into the next topic as well. Um, but you know, I've always told people that are new on my teams, I'm like, especially, it doesn't matter if you're um, you know, junior or intermediate, whatever, like if you are new, I would highly encourage you to take a little bit of extra time, like add a little bit of buffer because I want you to go learning what you're working on. I don't want you to ideally just like rush through um and try to, you know, finish a feature, land a bug fix or whatever. Like I would much rather that you take a little bit of extra time so that you're like, do I understand what I'm doing here? I would rather give you that kind of room to go work on stuff that way.

Because what I really don't want to have is that you jump into a team, you feel a lot of pressure and then you're like, "Okay, I just got to get this done as fast as I can." So that like, you know, so that it looks uh good on me or or whatever, right? Like or because I feel a lot of pressure. Um and then you're you kind of get into this uh I don't know this habit of like from the beginning, I just got to go fast. Like, yes, I would like for you to go fast, but I would also like you to understand what you're doing. I would like you to make good decisions. I would like you to feel informed. You're going to have to support this stuff when you're on call. The team's going to have to support this stuff when they're on call.

It's a live service, at least that we're working on. And if it's not for you, like it's a product that your users are going to use, right? So like I in my opinion I would much rather make some space for people to go a little bit slower in the beginning to go learn and ask questions, right? Like I that's just what I would try to tell people. So again, have that conversation with your manager like, "Hey, is it okay that I'm going a maybe a little bit slower? Like what's your expectation around like um your time frame for when that kind of levels off?" Like I would just have those conversations. your manager. Honestly, a lot of managers I feel like they have no idea what the hell's going on, truthfully and unfortunately, the the more time I spend as a content creator talking about like software engineering and management leadership.

It's funny because I'm like, "Oh, like here's how I would approach things and people are like, "Well, my manager doesn't do whatever." And I'm like, "I don't know how your manager doesn't do X." Like, how is that possible? Like, how are they even functioning? Um, but I guess it kind of makes sense because a lot of people end up in management positions, including myself, by the way, like almost by accident or by chance. It's not because it was like, I'm going to go for formal management training for a few years and then it's just kind of like, hey, uh, shit's on fire. Can you help with this? Can you help, you know, organize some people and lead this effort? and it just kind of like is a is a thing that happens. Um, so part of me gets it. Um, but the other part of me is like, holy Like it's kind of scary to think about.

But I you know I I think that sometimes uh we as you know developers or individual contributors or even myself as a manager we have this expectation of our managers to like well you're the manager like guide me through this right you're kind of waiting for them to push you in a direction but I would honestly just initiate the conversation and ask those questions all those things you're curious about go ask them I highly recommend it. So, I think I'm going to wrap up this video on that particular question and I'll I'll start recording the next one. But hopefully that helps. Um, you know, the short short answer there is like um just to recap, if other people are making you feel uncomfortable, try to address it with them first. Escalate to your manager if behavior is not changing. Uh second part was like if you are doing a lot of this comparison in your head, try to think about what action you're taking with that comparison.

Don't keep putting yourself down. Look at what other people are doing if you're going to compare and see what you can learn to try and better yourself. And the third part is absolutely have a conversation with your manager. Ask the questions about expectations. Keep having the conversation. Ask in different ways to get clarity. If you're having the conversation and not arriving at something that's making sense to you, right? If you ask it the exact same way, probably going to get the exact same answer. So, if it's not registering or not making sense, ask in a different way. So, I hope that helps. Again, if you have questions, leave them below in the comments or you can go to codecame.com. Submit your questions anonymously there. Hope that helps. I'll see you in the next video.